


this shot of truth (my feet don't dance like they did with you)

by brandnewovernight



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Ashton Irwin (mentioned) - Freeform, Gay, M/M, cake hoodings, let's be real everything I write is gay, michael clifford (mentioned) - Freeform, sad and gay, this is basically just sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-24 07:02:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15625302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brandnewovernight/pseuds/brandnewovernight
Summary: It been a year since Luke died. Calum is struggling to cope with the loss of the love of his life.





	this shot of truth (my feet don't dance like they did with you)

**Author's Note:**

> don't listen while reading unless you wanna cry a whole lot lmao

Calum Hood, once a young teen in love was now 30 years old. It'd been one year since the love of his life died. Since the light in his life completely faded to darkness.

  At weddings, you never really think about that part. Sure, it's mentioned, "till death do you part." But people don't think about those things at the time. They don't consider the fact that the person you love might die before you and leave you. Heartbroken and sad. No one considers that the one person you've loved with your whole being would one day be gone. In a fucking instant.

  Calum can still hear the sirens. Can still hear himself screaming and crying and praying for the first time in years that Luke would say something. Hoping to God that he would just open his pretty blue eyes one more time. Scrunch up his nose. Smile with his dimple.

  And he can never see that again. All because of a fucking drunk driver.

  He remembers and Luke's wedding. Both families were there celebrating, Ashton and Michael made speeches as best men. He never ever considered his life without Luke. Couldn't fathom it.

  Ever since highschool Luke had been the light of Luke's life. Making him laugh with his dorkiness and the random things he'd say. Remembers sitting on the roof of the Hemmings' house with him and looking at the stars. Pondering both of their existences in the world.

_ Here I am waking up, _

 

  He lays on the king sized bed him and Luke used to share. He makes sure to stay on his side. The blondes side of the bed hasn't been touched. 

 

_ Still can't sleep on your side. _

 

  In fact, the same mug that Calum had delivered to him that morning is still there. He bets there's a ring around the wood, but doesn't dare move the cup from it's spot.

 

_ There's your coffee cup. The lipstick stain fades with time.  _

 

_"_ _Lu_ _," Calum whispered, shaking the blonde's shoulder lightly. An arm was behind his head and Calum admired Luke's bicep. His other hand was on his bare stomach very close to his happy trail._

 

_He wasn't wearing any boxers because of the night before, Calum smiles at the memory. The only thing under the sheet is a leg and Luke's dick. All the other pale skin is exposed._

 

_After a few more tries, blue eyes flutter open and beautiful orbs behind long eyelashes are starting up at him. "I got you this." He lays the mug on the table along with a cookie._

 

_"I think I'd rather eat you." Luke smirks._

 

_He sits up and pulls Calum in by his waist. The brunette straddles Luke where he is sitting at the edge of the bed. He cups Luke's cheeks and rubs his nose against the blonde's. "I wouldn't be opposed to that." He kisses him on the lips, slow and_ _languid_ _. He smiles against his lips,_ _knowing that if he stayed here forever he would be happy._

 

_ If I can dream long enough, you'd tell me I'll be just fine. I'll be just fine.  _

 

  Calum remembers the day like it was just happening. Can picture Luke sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling him in. Can still feel his warm palms on his hips where his boxer briefs hung low. 

 

  And he can still hear Luke's voice in his head. Still hear his laughter. Still hears his moans, his groans, whines. He tries to let it go, but everything that came with Luke was now a part of Calum. And it still remains. There's not Calum without Luke. And there's no Luke without Calum. 

 

   _So I drown it out, like I always do_ _._

 

Calum wishes he could just stay in bed all day and remember. Try his best to think of every single detail about Luke. Like his breath in the morning and his singing voice in the shower. But it seems like everyday, the little memories flee from Calum's brain. 

 

  He gets up out of bed anyway and makes his way downstairs. He knows that Michael and Ashton will want to see him today. Make sure he's doing okay. 

 

  Calum sits at their kitchen island with a mug of black coffee. He didn't have the motivation to put cream or sugar in and he didn't care. He needed the caffeine. 

 

  He looked to his right at the table in the dining room. He thinks back to when they were first furnishing the house and they hadn't put a table there yet. But they had the essentials such as their record player and their favorite albums. 

 

_Dancing through our house,_

 

_"I'm tipsy, Luke you know I can't dance for shit when I'm tipsy." Calum says giggling and nearly spilling his glass of red wine on the freshly tiled kitchen floor._

 

_Luke let out a loud laugh, the one that echoes a room and makes you want to laugh with him. "You can't dance when you're sober," He argued and walks over to one of the boxes they've yet to unpack. "You just shake your ass and pretend it's dancing."_

 

_"Yes but I have a nice ass so it suffices." And Luke can't argue with that logic._

 

_He grabs an album out of the box, their record player already set up with speakers in the living room. Calum doesn't notice which album it is but Luke grins when he sees the album cover._

 

_It's Led Zeppelin_ _II_ _. He puts the vinyl record on and picks up the needle, skipping to track number four. It's a song called Thank You._

 

 

  
_Once the song begins playing, Calum perks up. "God Luke, are you trying to make me all misty?" The brunette asks, sniffing wetly._

 

_"Set down your glass and come dance with me, lovely." Calum does and goes to stand next to Luke on their wood dining room floor._

 

_The guitar begins playing softly and soon the drums come in. It's not too slow of a song, but they dance slowly to it anyway. Calum's arms were wrapped around Luke's neck and Luke's hands were in Calum's waist._

 

_Luke leaned in close to ear and sang, "if the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you." Rocking them back an forth to an easy rhythm._

 

_The blonde leaves a kiss behind the older boy's ear and they sing the next part together. "When mountains crumble to the sea, there will still be you and me."_

 

_ With the ghost of you. _

 

  Calum goes to the record player and puts the album on again. He skips to song number four again. Never once does he wonder why he's doing this to himself. 

 

  He twirls a little bit, letting the guitar and drum beat take him away. 

 

  _And I chase it down with this shot of truth_

 

  And then the lyrics start. Calum loses it. 

 

  He likes to think of himself as someone who doesn't get angry easily and is generally just calm in general, but listening to those words. Remembering how Luke whispered them in his ear, tipsy off of wine and their moves clumsy. He slams his coffee mug against the ground and it shatters across the hardwood and tile. 

 

_Dancing through our house with the ghost of you_

 

  Calum turned the record player off. He knew it was a bad idea in the first place, he wasn't sure why he decided to put on _that_ song. 

 

  He rubbed his wet eyes and looked at the mess around him. The mug shattered in big pieces so it would be easy to clean. Calum sighs and turns toward the living room and walks to get the broom and dustpan from the corner of the room.

 

  Hidden hallway underneath the couch was a black piece of clothing. Calum picked it up as well as the mop and opened the shirt. It was slightly dusty and the boy automatically knew it was Luke's. Speaking of Led Zep, it had that written on the front of it in blue lettering. 

 

_ Cleaning up today, found that old Zeppelin shirt _

 

  He knew it was pathetic, but he pressed it to his nose. It didn't smell of Luke at all. Just like dust and sadness. Calum tried smelling the inside and found it smelled a bit like whiskey. 

 

_"Calum get off me or I swear to God," Luke growled. He was pissed and slightly drunk which wasn't a good state to be in when arguing. Calum't want to make him more angry but he just didn't want the boy to leave_. 

 

_"Luke please just stay," Calum gripping the taller boys' shirt from far away, "don't leave me." He whispered._

 

_The blonde growled and took off the shirt, throwing it somewhere in the room, Calum didn't bother to look. He only had a white wife beater on under it which wasn't in Calum's former grasp._

 

_"I need some time." Luke said before opening the front door and slamming it shut behind him. It echoed throughout the house._

 

_The brunette felt the tears well up in his eyes._

 

_ You wore when you ran away, and no one could feel your hurt _

 

  That wasn't one of the preferred memories but it was still a memory. Still a thought of Luke he still had floating around, just like every other thought he had.

 

  He couldn't remember what their fight was about. Maybe about money and how they were spending it or someone at a restaurant making eyes at Cal. Luke always used to be a jealous little shit. Always wanting to make sure others knew Calum was his exclusively. He bought the ring to prove it. 

 

  Whatever the fight was about is stupid now. Calum would give anything to fight with Luke again. Laugh with him again. 

 

_ Too young, too dumb, to know things like love. I know better now. _

 

  He fucking hates losing things. But doesn't everyone? He hates the saying "you don't know what you have till it's gone" because it's fucking true. He spent most of his life loving Luke. Every thought he's had for the last decade, more than actually, has something to do with Luke. 

 

  Everything he's ever done was for Luke and every breath he took was for Luke. When he woke up in the morning he woke up for Luke and to Luke. Waking up to baby blue eyes that are slightly unfocused and beautiful curly blonde hair is something Calum took for granted. He took Luke nasty morning breath for granted but he kissed him anyway. Kissed down his scruffy neck and tugged on the chains he wore. 

 

  When Calum cried, he cried for Luke and when he yearned, he yearned for Luke. And that's what he's doing right now.

 

_ So I drown it out, like I always do. _

 

  Calum decides he needs to do something positive. He shakes his head of those thoughts, sweeps up the broken glass, and tosses it in the trash can. Then he turns on music from his kitchen radio and does the dishes from his dinner last night.

 

  He dances a little to the music, not much though. Just swaying his hips back and forth.

 

_Dancing through our house, with the ghost of you._

 

_"I can't feel my face when I'm with you, but I love it, I love_ _i-_ _OH." Calum stops his singing to yelp as hands grab him from behind._

 

_He turns around and slaps Luke with bubbles on his hands from washing the dishes. "You scared me!"_

 

_The blonde giggles with a cute smile on his face. His hands went from the tan boy's hips to splay out on his ass. "Sorry, I just couldn't concentrate over here with your ass moving like that." He smirks, looking up at Calum through his lashes._

 

_The Maori boy smiles softly, pulling Luke in so their faces are touching. "The Weeknd does that to me, what can I say." He shrugs. Luke's right hand comes up to tilt Calum's chin up with a single finger._

 

_Their lips collide and Luke turns his head to the right automatically to deepen it. He reaches down to the backs of Calum's thighs and lifts him up on to the counter. The blonde goes in between the older boy's knees as Calum runs a hand through the long blonde locks._

 

_"I love you," The blonde says, slightly out of breath, "so...unbelievably...much." He mutters in between kisses down Calum's neck._

 

_"I love you too, Luke."_

 

_ And I chase it down with this shot of truth. _

 

Calum stops shaking his hips and lifts a hand up from the soapy water to touch his lips and neck. Trying to remember what Luke's lips felt like there. 

 

_That my feet don't dance_  
_like they did with you._

_**FIN** _

**Author's Note:**

> I originally posted this on Wattpad. Follow me if you want https://www.wattpad.com/user/cake_quake


End file.
